The Holidays & New Years - Expectations Overload

It is January 4th and I'm so tired.

I feel as if I have just completed a marathon that I hadn't been training for.

The amount of money we spent on gifts, party hosting, and travel has me in shock.

The energy I have spent parenting during the longer days of "everyone off on break" has hit a max.

The constant expectations to show up and have a good time have worn me down.

We call it Winter Break, but how many of us really feel like we get... or even take a break? I just sat on the couch for the last hour reading a book, and realized it was only the second time I had done that during my "break". What? That is nuts!

And family.

Always. Around.

Eating, laying, watching, ignoring, sleeping in.

For someone who works at home regularly in the quiet while kids are at school, their constant presence is a beautiful reminder of a unit of love that I've helped create, as well as neverending noise, clutter, and needs.

And let's talk about holiday expectations for a minute: We could write an entire book on the expectations we put on ourselves and others around the holidays. Who we should or shouldn't get gifts for, What those gifts should be, What events we are expected to attend, How our families might expect us to show up with or for them, How much energy we expect ourselves to be able to give to all of these events and groups. Not to mention that it's also the new year, where so many of us put additional pressure on ourselves to set new and higher standards for how we want to show up in work and/or our personal lives. It's a miracle we are all still standing.

For what it's worth, I don't set New Year's resolutions. It could be because I recognize how low the percentage of those that keep them all year is (around 10%), but I also think the timing of setting these resolutions is nuts. We are all exhausted and burned out, usually just trying to make it to the New Year... but somehow we are supposed to set thoughtful, realistic, challenging personal goals for the whole year? I can't make good grocery purchasing decisions when I'm exhausted and burned out, let alone set a good quality annual goal for myself!

I tend to focus more on how I spent my energy the last year, and what I would like to keep or change regarding my energy and efforts in the next year. Where did I give too much energy away during the holiday month or year prior (worrying/ruminating)? Where was my effort well spent, and how can I continue that momentum this next month (connecting with others- let's have lunch!) ? What habits are serving me well (waking up early, working out, and meditating) , and what habits are holding me back (staying up too late)?

My greatest tools for this year's planning and goal setting: Journaling and reflection. Journaling is a mindfulness activity that, when we allow it to, can help unlock some of our innermost thoughts and ruminations that have been hiding in our subconscious. Our subconscious has amazing insight due to everything it is experiencing and holding, but we often forget to tap in and listen to it. Liberating those thoughts onto paper or a IPad app can allow us to recognize what has been marinating inside these past few days/weeks/months. My favorite journaling app is Day One, courtesy of my friend Charlotte, who is one of the greatest journaling practitioners I know. Although I now tend to journal on my laptop due to loving the feeling, I am also a huge fan of good old pen and paper - even if it's just to help me process before being thrown out. Most the time we need the processing more than we require future documentation... so what would work for you?

For what it's worth, I wish you a Happy New Year with realistic expectations and a lot of breaks for yourself. We could all use a breath, and I hope you allow yourself to take one.